When Heroes Fall
by onewritinggirl
Summary: Yes I know, not another Knockout post-ep, but I swear I have a different take on this one. Just give it a try. T for room.
1. Chapter 1

**_8th. (But not really 8th, because I got my numbers mixed up somewhere, so I'm just labeling this 8th.) Yes another one of those damn post-ep's to Knockout, but I swear I went on a different take of it. Give it a chance and I'll love you forever. _****_This will be a two-shot. I already have the second chapter written (mostly) so let me know if you think I should post it or just get rid of it._**

**_This one just kinda hit me on the 6 hour road trip me and my dad went on this weekend, what better to do when stuck in a car for that long; then to write, huh?_**

**_Disclaimer: If only! Then I would not be crying over this hiatus, cause I would actually know what was going to happen._**

**_Oh, and for those of you who are owning tumblr right now with these Castle chats on Omegle... you guys rock._**

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><p>"<em>Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens up your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside of you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside of you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."<em> – Neil Gaiman

He laughed bitterly at how uncannily true this was. But in his case it wasn't a phrase she had muttered that tore him apart but that last small breath she gasped out as her eyes fell closed. Yes he was in love with her, and unlike how Neil had phrased it, she was different than anyone else he had ever met, she was extraordinary; but no they weren't together. So it wasn't a break-up that had his heart in pieces, it was that damned bullet that had torn through her heart which, in turn; had also torn his apart, and he was one-hundred percent sure that an actual bullet ripping through his chest would hurt far less than the pain he was feeling now.

He knew he was torturing himself, by reading depressing quote after quote, but nothing else would hold his attention, and what was the point of ever being happy again when she wasn't around. The love of his life was laying unconscious in a hospital bed and there was nothing he could do, no connection, outlet, or dollar amount he could exhaust, even though he had tried; to fix it.

_"If only I had been a second quicker."_ Downing the rest of his scotch as the merciless thought crossed his mind for what must have been the thousandth time that night; he turned his attention back to his laptop. Not exactly in the mood for writing, since every angle he had tried ended up to dark to be considered normal; he clicked back to the homepage.

"_**NYPD Detective Gunned Down at Funeral for One of Their Own"**_

Not even bothering to level-headedly close the lid; he picked it up and threw it forcefully towards the wall, satisfied by the way it broke into several pieces, which ironically, reminded him of the way his heart felt.

Restlessly, he started pacing around the room. He was out of distractions, he had been kicked out her room hours ago by Lanie, demanding that he go home, get a shower and some rest. So returning to the hospital and incurring the wrath of the M.E. was a death sentence. His mind wouldn't settle long enough to allow him to watch T.V or read, and he sure as hell couldn't sleep. In fact he was certain that he would never be able to sleep again, due to that fact that every time he closed his eyes he was back at the cemetery with her bleeding out underneath of him. At this point anything short of drinking himself into oblivion proved to be ineffective. Writing was out for the obvious reason, plus everything he wrote brought his mind back to her, and it ended up depressing him even more.

Legally, he knew he had had a few too many than was allowed to be had before getting behind the wheel; but he didn't care. He just needed to get away from it all, so he took off in his Ferrari with the hopes that putting as much space as he could between him and his problems would solve something.

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><p>No matter how many times she blinked, she couldn't clear the fog from her vision. The same went for swallowing, she couldn't quite clear her throat to try and call for anyone.<p>

"_What the h..?"_

The thought cut short once the memory of the shooting came flooding back to her.

"_Oh my… am I, no I can't be." _She quickly cancelled out the chance of her being dead as she concentrated on the fact that she was breathing on her own, and the feeling of someone's hand in hers. Focusing all of her energy she squeezed the hand enclosed around hers.

"Katie?" The unmistakable voice of her father questioned disbelievingly. "Katie, can you hear me?"

It was all she could do to nod shortly, trying to give him some peace of mind. She groaned, aggravated at her inability to communicate and further.

"Oh, water; hold on a second." Her dad seemingly read her mind and held a cup of water to her lips for her to take a small sip of. Never had she thought she would be so indescribably grateful for a drink of water as the cool liquid ran down her parched throat.

Clearing her throat, she once again forced her eyes open and found the tired, worried grey-blue eyes of her father peering down at her.

"Hey," she coughed.

"Hey honey, how do you feel?"

"Like I've been shot," she joked; trying to lighten the atmosphere in the room, but mentally cursed herself for not thinking when she caught the fear flash through his eyes. "I'm sorry dad; I shouldn't be joking about that."

"It's fine," he assured her pulling her into a gentle hug, careful of her bandaged torso. "I'm just glad you're okay." Pulling back, he placed a light kiss against her forehead before continuing, "I believe you have a certain group of friends waiting to see you, I'll go get them."

"Hey, dad?" She questioned, pausing his exit, "I love you."

"I love you too Katie bear." Rolling her eyes at the use of the nickname, she offered a small smile as he turned to leave.

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><p>Watching as the city skyline disappeared behind him he got to the outskirts of the city going just short of 80 miles per hour police cars and speed limits be damned. With one last look behind him, he pressed the gas a little more, not seeming to be able to go fast enough. He turned back around to find that he had shifted into the other lane and another car was coming straight at him, he swerved just in time to avoid the head on collision. Sensing the oncoming panic attack, he could barely still his shaking hands and pounding heart as the shock hit him full on; he pulled off to the side of the road as his common sense caught up with him and started chastising him.<p>

"_What am I doing?" He thought._

"_Here I am doing something so extremely stupid, risking my life, when Kate is in the hospital hanging onto hers. I have too much to live for; I'm running away when I'm supposed to be strong for my family, and for her. I can't do this!" _At this point he started hyperventilating and knew he had to call someone for help. Reaching for his phone, he found it was still switched off from when he was at the hospital. Turning it back on, three voicemails, eleven missed calls and numerous texts from the gang greeted him. Lanie's voice sounded in the first voicemail he retrieved;

"_Castle, she's awake! Get your ass back here!" _

The next were from Ryan and Esposito relaying the same message with questions of his whereabouts. Though he could hardly make them out over the blood pounding in his ears; she was awake, she was going to make it, and he had to get back there now.

Swallowing his pride, he redialed Esposito.

"Hey, yeah I'm alright."

"_Where the hell are you man? She's been asking for you!" _His heart swelled at the words.

"It's a long story, but I need you to come pick me up."

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><p><strong><em>Thanks for reading kids, let me know what you think with that pretty little button down there.<em>**

**_Much Love,_**

**_-Anna Lee_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Alright, the second and last part to this. Hope it lives up to your standards._**

**_Special thanks to: morethanamuse & NCISchick for the reviews. I'm pretty sure you guys have reviewed almost everything of mine, which is awesome and I love you for it!_**

**_Disclaimer: Come on._**

**_And at this point, we have 15 weeks and 3 days until season 4! I don't know how I'm going to make it._**

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><p>It was hard to miss the unspoken tension in the room. The guys and Lanie had been in her room for almost an hour, with Lanie never leaving her bedside, and they hadn't even mentioned the one certain element of their team that was missing.<p>

"Alright guys, gigs up, where is he?" She questioned using her best interrogation voice that she could under the circumstances.

Lanie looked questioningly at the two perched in the lounge chairs on the other side of the bed. Before Ryan acquiesced, "He won't answer his phone and no one knows where he is, not even Mrs. R."

"Who; sends her best wishes and promises to stop by later by the way." Esposito added.

"He's not here?" She asked disbelievingly.

"I sent him home." Lanie answered, picking up on the disappointment in Kate's eyes. "He hadn't left you since you arrived here, smelled like it too."

"And how long ago was that?"

"Three days."

"I've been unconscious for three days!" Kate exclaimed.

"Calm down honey," Lanie soothed. "Your heart's under enough stress as it is."

"I'm sorry; it's just… three days really?"

Seeing the boys affirming nods she continued, "It doesn't seem like that long, and why the hell would he stay that long when he needed to be home with his daughter."

"Oh, don't give us that! You know exactly why he did, and you're not fooling anyone girlfriend. We heard what writer-boy said."

"And what exactly did he say?"

Lanie's eyes went wide with panic as she looked up to the duo for help.

"Why don't we let him explain," Esposito answered gesturing to his phone. "This is him right now."

"About time," Ryan supplied.

"Bro, are you okay?"

"_Hey, yeah I'm alright."_

"Where the hell are you man? She's been asking for you!"

"_It's a long story, but I need you to come pick me up."_

"What's going on?"

"_I'll explain once you get here, oh and bring Ryan with you."_

"Where exactly is 'here' Castle?"

After Castle rattled off his location, and said his goodbye; he looked over at Ryan with a hint of confusion in his eyes and just nodded towards the door as if asking for him to follow.

"What's up?" Ryan asked once in the privacy of the hallway.

"You're going to love this."

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><p>"Rock, paper, scissors for who gets to drive it back?" Ryan asked on the way over.<p>

"Hell no, we let Castle pick, and we both know he likes me better." Esposito joked.

"You wish."

Lanie had refused to leave Kate's side, leaving the boys to make the trip to go get Castle, but not without the parting words of advice to beat some sense into him. Pulling up behind the red sports car; they found Castle leaning against the side of it with his hands in his pockets and his eyes focused on something on the ground.

"Alright, start explaining." Esposito jumped straight to the point.

"Make it quick too; we have strict orders to beat your ass for worrying everyone."

Castle cracked a small smile at Ryan's statement, fairly sure he knew who issued the threat, "Why, Dr. Parrish was worried about me, I'll never let her live that one down."

"Seriously man, what's up? Driving in your current state is stupid, even for you." Ryan stated.

"I couldn't write it away." He answered simply.

The duo nodded, waiting for him to finish.

"Sometimes I just hate reality. I can't go back and re-write what happened, or change the outcome, or even reverse it. Nothing I do can change the fact that she's lying in a hospital bed, and I just feel like it's my fault. If I had just been a second sooner…" He trailed off, not knowing how else to express his dilemma, for once he was out of words.

"Okay first; don't blame yourself for what happened, the only ones responsible are the ones behind this whole ordeal." Esposito admonished.

"And second," Ryan picked up, "it's about time you told her how you felt." He said slapping his hand on Castle's back.

"Well that wasn't exactly how I was going to put it, but yeah; do you know how much money we lost on you two?" Esposito interrogated.

"Well she didn't exactly reciprocate, so I don't think it counts yet."

"In that case, we better get you back so you can." Ryan said, holding his hand out for the keys.

"No way man," Esposito argued. "I get to drive right Castle?"

Rick just laughed at the twos antics and came up with a plausible solution.

"Tell you what, one of you can start and halfway there we'll stop and switch. Sound good?"

"Works for me."

"Deal." Esposito concurred; grabbing the keys from Castle, and feeding the birds with Ryan before they all turned to their designated cars.

Sliding into the driver's seat, he turned the keys in the ignition and smiled as the engine roared to life.

"So who's week would it have been anyways?" Castle questioned.

"Montgomery's," Esposito stated solemnly before nodding his head and replacing the serious look with a smile as he threw the car in gear.

"I have got to get me one of these."

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><p>"Sorry it took us so long to get back. Ryan said he could drive a stick."<p>

"Hey, I drove it better than you did. You drive slower than my grandmother." Ryan countered.

Kate laughed at the two's joking but her eyes never left Rick's after he stepped into the room.

"Guys, let's give these two a minute," Lanie spoke up, picking up on the conversation to be had; moving from her spot on the edge of the bed to head towards the boys near the door.

"Oh my God Ryan, Lanie's leaving her side, is the world coming to an end? I don't feel the earthquake." Esposito joked, grabbing onto either side of the doorframe as if trying to find balance.

"Boy if you don't knock it off…" Lanie warned and threw a hand out to smack him, but he ducked back just in time.

"Ryan, pinch me bro. I think I'm dreaming. She's walking out the door." He kept on, voice getting louder as Lanie backed him further down the hall.

"Javier Esposito! I will personally make sure you aren't physically able to leave this hospital, if you keep it up." They heard Lanie's finale retaliation yelled from down the hall.

"Well, I guess I better make sure Lanie doesn't make good on her death threats. I'd hate to arrest her." Ryan said while standing awkwardly in the doorway before parting with a small wave. Kate's only acknowledgement was a small smile and a nod before meeting Rick's eyes again.

"You going to stand there all night?" Rick didn't need to be told twice as he walked around and took up the now vacant seat next to her bed.

"What's a girl got to do to get a hug from you?"

"I just don't want to hu…"

"Castle you're not going to hurt me, I just got shot and I want a damn hug." She demanded with outstretched arms.

"Kate." Castle said with a stern look and she knew he was mad about her joking about it.

"Rick, I swear I'm fine."

"You almost died Kate, the last time you were in my arms I had to watch the lights go out."

"Well then, this is just as much for your benefit as it is for mine, isn't it?" She told him while opening her arms once more, sighing happily when he finally relented and gathered her in his arms.

"Took you long enough," she mumbled into his shoulder.

"_She's talking about the hug right, there's no way she could remember. Ryan and Esposito told me she didn't." _Rick's inner monologue argued with him. "_But I knew she would."_

"What's that?" He asked pulling back but taking her hands in his.

"Don't pretend like you don't remember what you said."

"But the guys told me that you didn't…" He veered off not even wanting to think about it.

"I lied; why not keep them guessing for a little while longer."

"Devious, I like it." He agreed, noticing how her eyes her drooping slightly.

"Go ahead and sleep Kate, I'll be right here when you wake up."

"Mmkay." She muttered almost incoherently before sinking deeper into the bed. But not relinquishing the hold on his hand. Minutes had passed and he was sure she was asleep, before she spoke again.

"Ditto."

"Huh?"

"Come on, keep up Castle."

Pausing a second to let it sink in he smiled before responding, "I love you too."

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><p><em><strong>So? I'm not quite sure, but I felt like that was a good place to leave it. I really don't think Knockout can be done justice, it was just so freaking amazing! I still can't get over it.<strong>_

_**Once again, thanks for reading kids.**_

_**Much Love,**_

_**-Anna Lee**_


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